


say it (tell me what you feel)

by buzzbug82



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, Domestic Bliss, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romance, please don't read if you're uncomfortable with canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26338111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbug82/pseuds/buzzbug82
Summary: Got the cake, got the candles, got the camera.But one final thing— Sehun realized he couldn’t hold the cake and film at the same time.Sehun never cared about birthdays before he met Junmyeon.[Inspired by 'Jet Lag' (EXO-SC) and @oohsehun / @kimjuncotton instagram post - specifically birthday post][Title from 'Say It' by EXO-SC]
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 24
Kudos: 132





	say it (tell me what you feel)

* * *

> **2020, January 15th.**

“Here’s your drink, sir.”

Sehun was startled from his muse, looking up to see a pretty stewardess bending over to place a glass of ice and a water bottle on his little arm-desk. Sehun moved his elbow so she could put down the drink and raised an eyebrow when she even poured it for him.

“Is there anything else you need, sir?”

She smiled, her fingers were an inch away from his arm. The whole business class area was quiet and serene, Sehun could hear someone snoring from the end of the line and someone else watching a movie with full-blast volume through their earphone. His single seat was secluded and more private, and the manager accompanying him to the event was sleeping soundly at a seat behind him.

“Nothing, thank you.” Sehun smiled politely, picked up his earbuds and shoved them back into his ear, listening to the demo by Gaeko-hyung, pointedly ignoring the stewardess until she straightened up and left to the back.

Sehun scrolled his ipad, reading the incomplete lyrics. Chanyeol had written his part, and Sehun contemplated on making it connected.

He glanced at his phone. 

Junmyeon’s message was open on his phone that was on airplane mode. The elder had been telling him about his day and sent the pictures from the musical. If it wasn’t because of his schedule, Sehun wished he could attend it one more time and cheer on Junmyeon. 

Smiling, he picked up his ipad pen and started writing. He promised to at least send a paragraph of his idea to the team, even when he's busy traveling and attending events. So he should deliver what he promised, right? 

Sehun twirled the pen and closed his eyes, thinking about rhymed words, building wishes and dreams. 

All he could think about were lasting romance, lingering kisses, and warm hugs. 

Tinkling laughter, affectionate touch, and perpetual longing. 

Give and take. 

Never ending. 

So what if we're too fast? 

Do whatever your heart wants. 

* * *

> **2015**

“Are you sure you don't want to go out tonight?” Junmyeon asked curiously, walking out of the bedroom, holding something behind his back. Sehun pretended not to see anything, as he glanced down at his phone. 

"Everyone is busy tonight anyway, and we have an early call tomorrow, hyung." The whole dorm is empty aside from the two of them as the other members were preoccupied with their own things. They had gone out to celebrate their win for 'Inkigayo' earlier that day, but they split up after the celebration. Sehun and Junmyeon had gone back to the dorm together.

"Doesn't mean we can't go out again," Junmyeon took a seat opposite Sehun, carefully scooted a bit in his chair. Junmyeon was shirtless, his blond hair still damp from the shower and he was wearing comfortable sweatpants. And Sehun; he didn't hide how his eyes wandered at the exposed skin and tight bulge. And if Junmyeon noticed, he didn't say anything. "I was going to treat you to delicious food."

Sehun snorted, putting down his phone with a clatter. "Even so, I know you haven’t made a reservation for it. Besides, we both know you're home tonight only because the photoshoot is being rescheduled next week."

"Okay, you got me." Junmyeon grinned as he took out a juice box that actually belonged to Chanyeol. 

"So, what's that behind you?" 

Junmyeon burst into giggles, trying to splay his thighs to hide the present on his back. "You have to wait!" 

"But I've seen it!" Sehun grinned, making grabby hands. Junmyeon slapped it away. 

"It's just for another five minutes! Be patient," 

Sehun actually stayed still and stared at Junmyeon for five minutes, until it’s finally twelve am and Junmyeon had to laugh at his antics and take out the present he hid behind him. 

Sehun’s phone chimed with messages, no doubts that the birthday messages started pouring in from members, friends and families alike; but it was 12 am, on April 12th, and Kim Junmyeon was sitting opposite him with a soft smile, making Sehun lost his sense of reality as he focused all his attention on the leader-hyung.

To ground him back, he picked up the paper bag with a cute red bow that housed his birthday present and looked inside. 

Junmyeon leaned over and scrunched his nose cutely. “Happy birthday, Sehun-ah.” 

Sehun smiled back at him, his heart was full. “Thank you, hyung.”

  
  
  
  
  


Sehun never really cared about birthdays.

Back when he was a kid, he knew that it’s a special day just because his cake got candles and his grandparents would come down to visit and spoil him for a week. As he grew into his teen years, the cake and candles didn’t mean much anymore, especially when he realized it’s just like any other day. If it’s the weekdays, he still has to go to school. And if it's the weekend, he would go play outside normally before returning home. His friends usually didn’t remember his birthday, and Sehun was fine with it because he didn’t remember theirs too. 

As long as his family would still remember it, and buy him cakes and presents, it was enough. Celebrating his birthday with his close-knit family like this is fine with him. 

Then he became a trainee.

During the training period, Sehun was placed in a group of older _sunbaes_ who had more experience. Among the older trainees, one caught his eye from the very first day.

The _sunbae_ was handsome— with soft features and a lovely voice— and when he walked over, Sehun was a nervous-wreck and in awe.

Until the _sunbae_ scolded him for not greeting properly. 

He didn’t lie; he did almost quit the company the next day, but something encouraged him— he wanted to see the _sunbae_ again.

Sehun hated to think it was love at first sight. How childish; how naive; how embarrassing—

How lucky.

  
  


That’s the first time he celebrated his birthday at 12am on April 12th.

Their training took hours to finish; he still got homeworks to do and his teacher had given him last warning about not handing his homework on time. But he’s too tired and didn’t have the energy to get up from his futon after the shower; thank goodness he’s staying at the dorm that night so he got to wake up early to beg Junmyeon-hyung or Chanyeol-hyung to help him with his homework. At least he’s not the only one with the problem though; because Jongin and Kyungsoo complained about their school works too.

Looking left and right, he was alone in the small room that fit (ten? fourteen?) people to sleep. Which was kind of surprising since the dorm was always full of noisy teenage boys. Maybe some went to shower, while others got hungry and went to the convenience store. Sehun just hoped they would buy something for him too because his stomach just made a growling sound.

Sehun exhaled loudly into his pillow; thinking if being sleepy in the class all the time, getting scolded by his teachers, then reprimanded by the trainer coach and muscle cramps from late night dance and vocal training would be worth it in the future.

The clock struck 12 on the dot, and suddenly the door burst opened with people yelling and shouting his name. Sehun immediately scrambled to sit up, shocked and wide eyes.

All his trainee hyungs were singing a ‘happy birthday’ song in different tones, laughing at his startled expression. In the middle of the group, Junmyeon-hyung grinned at him while holding a medium-sized chocolate cake (that was definitely bought from GS25 convenience store) that holds two thin candles.

“Happy birthday, Sehun-ah.”

The hyungs pulled him over so he could blow the candles, and they gave him a party hat and a confetti popper, making a mess of the room. But for the first time, they didn't care about it, as they quickly ratioed the cake for everyone, before Junmyeon revealed that he bought two whole fried chicken as well. The group whooped loudly when the chicken arrived. Sehun realized Junmyeon ended up with no cake after everyone finished it, but he was still smiling brightly, ruffling Sehun's hair and congratulated him for being a year older and keeping up with the training. Without prompting, he even volunteered to do Sehun's homework in the morning before Sehun had to go to school. 

"How do you do that?" Sehun asked. 

"Do what?" Junmyeon muttered. They're all in bed with full stomachs after the small celebration, voice heavy with sleep.

"How do you balance all the training and school?" Sehun asked, knowing well how Junmyeon was studying in one of the most prestigious schools in the city and keeping up to be one of the top students there. 

"I didn't," Junmyeon sighed. "I could have done better if I didn't focus most of my time on training. But I have to do it. I promised my family. I promised myself," He rolled over to face Sehun. "This is my choice."

How wise. How inspiring. 

How lucky. 

For some reason, since that day, Sehun thought that birthdays are indeed special.

* * *

> **2016**

It was hard. Things get… tough. 

In the midst of confusion back in 2015, Sehun found himself relying on Junmyeon a lot. The leader became his safe haven, his unshakeable ground, his belief. Junmyeon held his hands, asked him not to worry, but how could he not? And Sehun went to spend time with Yixing a lot, sometimes just looking at him playing the piano or dance, just for reassurance. Yixing understood, and let him stay, flashing Sehun the dimpled smiles and invited him to practice together as they converse in Mandarin. 

At the same time, his self-confidence started to crumble. He told himself he didn't try hard enough, not talented enough, wasn't at his best yet. And it's slowly draining him. 

“I’m here!”

Sehun blinked his eyes. Once. Twice. Thrice. The image didn’t go away.

What’s Junmyeon doing at the filming set?

“Hello, I’m Suho. Here are some treats, I hope you like it,” Junmyeon went straight to the crew, holding two bags of coffee cans, and another plastic bag of snacks. “Thank you for taking care of Sehun,” he said politely. The crew, even the director and PDs, crowded around him, saying thank you as they took the food and drink. Junmyeon greeted them for a while with friendly smiles before he walked over to Sehun, beaming excitedly. 

“Hyung,” Sehun finally got over his surprise, pulling a chair for Junmyeon. “What are you doing here?”

Junmyeon handed him a coffee can. He was smiling with his cheeks puffed out and Sehun's worries slowly faded out. “I’m here to support you, of course. How are you doing?”

Sehun felt his heart swell. He still couldn’t believe his eyes; Junmyeon was there, at Busan, in the filming set, to support Sehun?

It should not be so surprising, knowing Junmyeon’s personality. But it still caught him by surprise at times.

The producer full-heartedly called for a break. They both went to get food and if Sehun thought he didn't have the appetite before, it surely changed when he saw Junmyeon. Sehun took the opportunity to show Junmyeon around the set. He introduced him to a couple of crews they stumbled upon, and a few people approached them to ask for their combined autographs. When it’s time to start filming again, Sehun showed his script to Junmyeon and they read it out loud for practice in the dressing room while Sehun was getting his makeup done. Junmyeon stayed during the whole filming for the day, watching him with a proud look, occasionally praising Sehun on certain acts that would impress him. 

Some staff and co-actors looked at Junmyeon with amusement, but Sehun stood tall and proud and basked in the undivided attention from his number one hyung. 

“Are you going back to Seoul tonight?” Sehun asked him when they’re back in the dressing room at the end of the day. 

“Nope,” Junmyeon emphasized, rocking on his heel while standing at the side to let Sehun change from his costume. “I’m staying the night, so I’m planning to room with you.”

Sehun snorted, glancing coyly at Junmyeon. “What would you do if I say no?”

“You wouldn’t,” Junmyeon gasped in mock surprise, a bit hurt. 

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.”

Besides, it's his birthday tomorrow. 

Later on that night, they settled in Sehun’s hotel room after saying goodbye to the rest of the cast and crew as Junmyeon would be flying back to Seoul in the afternoon. Sehun fell into the bed after putting on a boxer, buried half his face into the pillow, checking his phone and waiting for April 12th to come while Junmyeon was taking a shower. He nearly drifted off, when the door slowly creaked open. Sehun opened his eyes when Junmyeon walked in with a cake and candles, in a simple white shirt and an underwear. They both laughed and Junmyeon sang a happy birthday song for him with his sweet voice in the dark of the room.

Sehun grinned widely and opened his arms after blowing out the candles, and Junmyeon came over, placing the cake carefully on the bed. Smoothly, he slid into Sehun’s arms and they hugged for a while; Sehun just held onto Junmyeon tightly before they broke apart. He didn't expect Junmyeon to get him a whole birthday cake that night; he told himself he would be satisfied with a wish and some cuddles as he didn't really enjoy staying at the hotel alone for the past couple of nights. Sehun asked where Junmyeon hid the cake when the elder mentioned that he brought the cake specially from Seoul, and Junmyeon just winked without saying anything. They shared a fork and took turns feeding each other pieces of cake.

Which, of course, ended up in disaster. Especially when you eat on a bed in the dark with the only source of light coming from the hallway. 

“Why do you have to move? Look, now the strawberry falls on the blanket!”

“It’s you who moved! I’m just comfortably lying on your lap,”

“My legs are falling asleep! You’re heavy, hyung. Just— put the blanket away before the whipped cream gets into bed!”

“You have to get up, then! You’re sitting on the blanket!”

“Wait— pick up the strawberry first—”

“Don’t tell me you want to eat it?!”

“Of course not, throw it away—”

"Where's the tissue?" 

"Over there, by the dresser. Get the whole box here, we need to clean up, I think the cream get into bed a little—" 

In the end, the cake was left half-eaten on the bedside table, the ruined blanket thrown to the floor, and the bed stripped off it’s sheet as they opted to use it as a replacement blanket. Junmyeon breathed softly as he fell into deep slumber. Sehun struggled to reach for his phone with one arm under Junmyeon’s head and checked his messages. The earliest birthday wish was sent eleven minutes past twelve.

Sehun huffed, thinking of ways he could do to make the other hyungs make up for him for the late wishing, before finally burying his face into a mouthful of Junmyeon’s hair.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Got the cake, got the candles, got the camera.

But one final thing— Sehun realized he couldn’t hold the cake and film at the same time.

“Well, shit.”

First he called Jongdae. The plan failed.

He didn’t have much time, so he called Chanyeol.

Chanyeol agreed immediately. The man hated to miss these things. 

“So, how are we doing this again?” Chanyeol asked once he got into the van. Sehun quickly shoved a phone to him.

“You film, while I hold the cake. I already asked hyung—" he pointed to the manager sitting in the driver's seat. "—To call Junmyeon, and I informed his mom that we’re coming to the house.” 

“You got this on plan, huh,” Chanyeol snickered while he held the phone and opened the apps for live broadcast. He flipped to the front camera and said hi when he saw the numbers of viewers increase per second. 

“I’m gonna make this year special,” Sehun muttered, thoughtfully playing with his lips.

“Wahh, I’m jealous.” Chanyeol pouted, half-heartedly. "You never did a surprise for me before."

Sehun looked at his watch and patted the manager's shoulder. "Okay, okay, we are near his house, please call him now."

"Do you even listen to me…?" 

Fifteen-minutes later, Sehun and Chanyeol crouched on the floor on the hallway of Junmyeon's house (Junmyeon’s brother let them in with an amused smile, while his father walked passed in confusion and asked what they were doing before calling dibs on the side of the cake with the most frosting) and silently lit up the candles.

“How come you didn’t say Junmyeon-hyung got notification on for the apps?” Chanyeol frowned, looking at Sehun in disbelief. 

“I didn’t know either,” Sehun grumbled back, giving back the lighter to Chanyeol. “Now go back live, I’m not going to let this spoil my plan.”

With the live on, both Sehun and Chanyeol creeped to Junmyeon’s room. Junmyeon's mom was in the room with him, trying to distract her youngest child from checking his notification again when they both go live on the apps. They counted to three, and Chanyeol skillfully opened the door with his toe as they both walked in together while singing happy birthday (well, Chanyeol was singing. Sehun was screaming from excitement at seeing Junmyeon’s deadpan face). 

“What a bummer,” Sehun whined later on, while they’re in the dining hall with Chanyeol and the Kim family. Junmyeon’s mom made tea and snacks for everyone as they sat around the table to enjoy the cake.

“What is?” Junmyeon, who was sitting next to him, asked.

“I really want to surprise you today just like how you surprised me on mine, but it didn’t work. Why did you have to turn on notification for the app?”

Junmyeon laughed and slipped his arm around Sehun’s shoulder. “You won’t beat me at my own game, Sehunnie,” he poked Sehun’s cheek and the younger sulked. “It’s fine. I’m really happy that you plan this for me, thank you.”

But Sehun wasn’t the type to do things half-hearted. So when he’s determined to surprise Junmyeon, he did his best to deliver. So that’s how at the end of May 22nd, while they’re on break from their music video shoot, Sehun quickly went to get Junmyeon another birthday cake and delivered it on the set himself, without telling anyone but the manager-hyung, and delighted at the honest surprise and touched expression on Junmyeon’s face.

“A second birthday cake?” Junmyeon looked up at him with shining eyes. 

Sehun smirked. “I told you I would surprise you.”

* * *

> **2020, January 16th.**

Sehun reached the hotel and felt the impending doom of jet lag like an old friend. He brushed his teeth and took a hot shower after spending almost an entire day in the flight, scrubbing off the airport's smell and thought about hitting the bed early. But it's still early evening in Paris and he didn't want to mess up his sleep schedule, since he had to be early to get ready for the event tomorrow. 

Reaching for the bathrobe, he padded towards the bed after drying himself and laid down in the queen sized bed, sighing loudly. He looked at his phone. It was still early in Paris, but it shouldn't be too late in Seoul. 

He didn't even check if he was available, pulling up the familiar contact and pushed the call button.

“Hey,” Sehun said into the phone. “Do you need me to call you back? No? Oh, you’re at home.”

He nodded as the other person said something. “Yes, it’s quite cold here. How is it in Seoul? What did you do today?”

Sehun picked up the phone and went to the counter to pour some water. “That sounds good, so you scheduled another meeting next week with them? So you got time for— right, right, that makes sense. Yeah, the event is tomorrow, they prepared the new outfit they designed, you wanna see them? Sure, I’ll take a picture tomorrow. Do you need me to bring home anything?”

Then he chuckled. “No, don’t say that. I promised I’ll go, right? You need us or the show wouldn't be fun," he smirked as he listened to the other whine. "Anyway have you eaten? I’m gonna call room service after this. No, I’m not going out, I have to sleep early tonight or I’ll feel worse tomorrow.” He sipped the water. "I know, I hope the jet-lag is not severe this time. That's why I'm only drinking water right now."

He went back to the bed, leaning on the bedpost. His eyes drifted close, thinking about his own bed at home, with a warm body next to him. "You're not tired, right? Tell me something, anything."

Sehun smiled. “I will come home soon, I miss you too.”

* * *

> **2017**

"Do you love me?" Sehun asked, one night, as they walked along the quiet street of Paris, with the foggy Eiffel Tower as the background. 

It was late, and the place was almost deserted.

"Yes." Junmyeon didn’t hesitate. "I love you."

Sehun nodded. Their shoulders brushed against each other. He thought about it first.

“I don't mean like a brother,” Sehun said, clearing things out. Open. Loud. Transparent. Don't want there to be a misunderstanding. “I never thought of you as a brother. I want to date you. Care for you. Love you." He said. 

There was a couple of minutes of silence. 

"It will be hard to date me," Junmyeon confessed; Sehun could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm complicated."

Sehun snorted. He knew that well, more so than anybody else. "I know," he said. "And I still want to date you."

"Why?" Junmyeon asked. "You will end up hating me." Giving him an out. For Sehun’s sake.

"I will never hate you." Sehun stopped on his track, turning to face Junmyeon. Junmyeon stopped too. They stared at each other.

Junmyeon said he’s complicated. Sehun had been the witness of that for years. It’s okay. They could be complicated together.

"I'm in love with you."

  
  
  
  


2017 was a year of revelation.

“How was Paris?” Baekhyun came into the dorm, stumbling upon the literal mess of shoes at the front door, before jumping into the couch where Sehun was sitting eating a bowl of cereal while watching a rom-com on the television. Sehun had to hold the bowl a couple of inches away so Baekhyun wouldn’t knock it down. “Did you bring home any souvenirs?”

“I didn’t,” Sehun said, straight-forward and unbothered. “But Junmyeon-hyung might. He mentioned he bought a couple of things for everyone.”

“As expected of Junmyeon-hyung,” Baekhyun grinned and rolled off from the couch, running towards the room where Sehun and Junmyeon shared, then stopped abruptly when he opened the door. “Arghh! I forgot how messy he is! Where is he? Junmyeon-hyung, I want my souvenir!”

Sehun sighed, putting the bowl on the coffee table in front of the couch. “He’s out with his friends. Don’t tell me you come over just to ask for souvenirs. Did you bring anything from Tokyo?” 

“Jongdae and Minseok-hyung have them, they said they’ll give them out the next time we gather,” Baekhyun went back to the couch and attached himself to Sehun’s side, head on his shoulder. “So tell me, how was Paris?”

“The usual. Work, eat, sleep… Then we visited the museums and went shopping.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to answer?”

Baekhyun looked at him, and Sehun immediately turned to continue watching the television. “I don’t? Is there anything else I need to know?”

Sehun shook his head. 

“Okay,” Baekhyun sighed and got up to stalk towards Chanyeol’s room, his voice growing distant. “Sure, in the city of love, with your first love— and nothing else happened. Sure,”

“What are you mumbling about,” Sehun got up too, standing near the door as he watched Baekhyun rummaging through the closet. 

“I’m just saying,” Baekhyun shrugged. “It’s a waste of opportunity, isn’t it? You were there with him— alone, and yet you didn’t take the chance.” 

Sehun flushed; how could he tell Baekhyun, or anyone for that matter? What’s between him and Junmyeon was only for them to know— Their privacy behind closed doors, the whispers in the dark at nights, the creak of open shower doors and wet skin and shared scents, the warmth of touch under the sheets— those were their secrets to keep. The little things and habits they developed together over the years grew little by little— both from his own patience and perseverance— and somehow, it burst out in Paris.

They were supposed to go to Switzerland together. But Sehun had work to do in Seoul, and Junmyeon went alone for the photoshoot. He sent pictures to Sehun of course. The snow. The mountain. The building. The museum. Him. Sehun was left both delighted and envious, especially when Junmyeon shared his paragliding experience. 

Instead, Paris happened. 

The confession snapped _something_ — not him, surprisingly, but Junmyeon. After his confession, Junmyeon’s eyes cleared out— like the mist has been lifted. Sehun was surprised to see it in the open. The next thing he knew, they were back in the hotel. Someone said something; and clothes were off. Mouth on mouth, skin on skin. He couldn't recall who started it first. Was it him, with his pent-up feelings? Or was it Junmyeon, who realized that they haven't been platonic for a while now, no matter how much he tried to deny it? Or was it both of them, coming at each other at the same time? It might be the latter. 

Should have seen it coming. Should have seen it building up for some time now— 

Their shared gasps and soft moans as they came undone between the silk sheets of a Paris hotel room—

_Is this love wrong?_

_Will this come back to them one day?_

_Will they be fine?_

  
  


“Jumyeonnie—” Sehun gasped when Junmyeon’s mouth passed by his navel, breathing harshly against his hard-on. 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon took Sehun’s hand and placed it on his own head; the fingers sliding through the hair. “Hold me.”

There were slick fingers, and tight warmth, and Junmyeon on top of him, shivering while guiding Sehun's hands on his hips, pleading in a hoarse voice. Sehun ran his hands on Junmyeon's skin, calming him down as Junmyeon started to move on his own and Sehun was gone.

Beautiful, too beautiful. Glowing. Enticing. Perfect.

_"This is my choice."_

  
  


_"I'm not gonna regret it."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Why are you blushing?”

Sehun startled from his musing, noticed Baekhyun was staring at him openly with curious eyes. He deliberately coughed into his fist, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Nothing, don’t mind me.” He gestured to the black hoodie Baekhyun was holding. “You gonna borrow that one?”

Baekhyun nodded as he slipped the hoodie on. “We have practice for the concerts tomorrow and I don’t have anything to wear,” he went out to the living room, searching for something near the television and turning on the playstation. “Anyway, want to play a round of game with me?”

Sehun shrugged. “Sure,”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Sehun was playing with Vivi on his lap when his mother came into the dining room, beaming at him and told him to sit properly as someone was coming and proceeded to get busy in the kitchen. Sehun blinked at his mother in confusion, when his father appeared from the front door and smiled.

Behind him was a sheepish Junmyeon in a simple shirt and an oversized sweater, holding up a box in one hand and a champagne bottle in another.

“Junmyeon-hyung,” he gaped, not expecting Junmyeon to appear at his family home so late at night. “What are you doing here?”

“He’s here to celebrate your birthday, of course.” His mother placed a couple of wine glasses on the table and went to give Junmyeon a hug. Junmyeon, ever so polite, bowed at her in greeting before returning the hug. 

When Junmyeon sat next to him, Sehun looked at him and Vivi peered at him, offering his nose as he wagged his tail when he recognized Junmyeon. “Is this going to be a tradition now?” Sehun asked in wonder. The group had celebrated his birthday early at Macau, after they attended the award show. He didn't expect Junmyeon would come by. 

“What is?” Junmyeon whispered, rubbing Vivi’s head gently.

“Surprise birthday cake,”

Junmyeon chuckled, letting his head fall on Sehun’s shoulder. “I thought we established that a long time ago.” He said. “But I don’t really do this on other member's birthdays.” He quietly confessed. 

Sehun nodded. “Me too,”

Sehun’s brother and sister-in-law came out, greeting Junmyeon warmly. Junmyeon suddenly made a gasp when he saw the baby in the sister-in-law’s arms, cooing softly as the baby giggled while looking at him. The sister-in-law sat the baby in Junmyeon’s lap and he held the baby carefully.

Sehun’s heart clenched tightly, letting Vivi jump off from his lap to go play with the baby as well.

Then his father unboxed the cake, and Sehun immediately noticed it. 

It seems like a normal cake. Quite expensive, premium quality, tastefully decorated— there’s macarons and a chocolate piece in the shape of an Eiffel Tower.

Sehun glanced at Junmyeon. 

And Junmyeon avoided his eyes.

"Well, you should at least text me if you're going to come by." Sehun said, after Sehun was done making a wish and blowing the candles, and the family were taking pictures of the cake. "Did you have dinner yet?" 

"I didn’t have the time and no," Junmyeon sighed, leaning his cheek on the baby’s head. “Or else I would have bought something for the baby too. What do you want, sweetie? A new toy? Or new clothes? I’m gonna buy anything you want~” He tickled the baby’s hand and the baby yelped delightfully.

"The baby? You didn’t think of a present for me then?" 

It was getting late; the baby turned to bury his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder, yawning. Junmyeon got up while holding the baby on his arm, giggled and pulled on Sehun's ear when he saw the younger grinned teasingly at him. "I don't have one for the _big baby_ , a cake isn’t enough for you now, huh?" 

Sehun shrieked as he squirmed under Junmyeon's touch. Then stood up to get away, using Vivi as his shield. Junmyeon just laughed, easily, face bare and pretty, reaching out to hold Sehun's wrist so Sehun couldn't get far. Always within an arm's reach. Safe. Grounded. 

Too used to their antics, the rest of the family just shake their heads at their interaction. 

This is fine. This is familiar. This is them. This is how they're supposed to be. 

  
  


Except Sehun didn't want to go back to how they're supposed to be. 

“You didn’t forget,” Sehun muttered, later on, when they’re both in Sehun’s bed. When Sehun's mom heard Junmyeon didn’t have dinner yet, she quickly whipped some leftovers for him. The baby had long fallen asleep in Junmyeon’s arms, so the sister-in-law gratefully took the baby from him and disappeared into the room. The rest of the family sat around the table, accompanying him to eat dinner as they enjoyed the cake and champagne. Junmyeon had a strong tolerance to alcohol, so he wasn’t even tipsy after a glass. But his mother and father insisted he stay the night and Sehun wouldn’t want Junmyeon to drive after drinking either. Though at first, Sehun thought his mother would take out the futon she usually reserved for guests. She was shocked when Sehun asked for it, claiming she wouldn’t let Junmyeon sleep on the floor and weren’t they roommates who shared a bed for almost half a decade already?

Sehun didn’t have any retort after that.

“I didn’t forget about what?” Junmyeon shifted close. Close enough that Sehun could feel Junmyeon’s breath on his lips. Close enough that they were sharing one pillow. 

“Paris,” Sehun said. “I’m just happy you didn’t forget about Paris.”

“Oh,” it was dark in the room, but Sehun knew all the way Junmyeon would blush at the memory. “It is hard not to.”

Junmyeon was being annoyingly nonchalant, but Sehun could see through the facade. He didn’t blame him though. 

In short, Junmyeon was selfish about being loved. He never refused any that was given to him, resulting in a couple of cases of heartbreak. But no matter, the heartbreak didn't last long because Junmyeon was… Junmyeon. Because his heart is big, he let a lot of people in. 

The only downside was the line. The line he drew between himself and the people. Close, but not too close. Don't approach, because he would decide if he wanted to do so or not.

It's both a blessing and a curse at the same time. And Sehun had always hated that about him. 

Because Sehun was guilty of spoiling him with that love. And standing in that line. His heart had only felt love towards Junmyeon. And he knew that Junmyeon felt the same. 

But when Junmyeon silently climbed on him, hands on Sehun's cheeks, as he pressed his lips over Sehun's, Sehun would like to think he owned a bigger space in Junmyeon's big, big heart— and the line Junmyeon draws between them? 

The line was crossed—

  
  
  


On Junmyeon’s birthday, the members decided to throw a party (to cheer him up; Junmyeon-hyung didn't look energetic these days, said Jongdae). They booked a whole restaurant and as per tradition, Sehun brought out the cake. The party lasted until four in the morning with half of the members drunk and had to be driven home to the dorm.

“Something—” Baekhyun slurred, clinging into Sehun’s arm. “There’s something— you two—” he pointed at Sehun’s chest, then towards Junmyeon at the corner as he was led into his room. “Not telling us—”

Sehun was also drunk and swaying on his feet, so he didn’t even try to answer Baekhyun. 

“Go to sleep, Baekhyun-ah,” Chanyeol grunted, pulling him away from Sehun and pushed him towards the bed. “Enough teasing for the night.”

“I’m not teasing!” Baekhyun suddenly sat up, pulling on Chanyeol’s collar. Chanyeol shrieked in surprise. “They’re hiding something from us, and we need to know!”

“No, we don’t,” Kyungsoo walked in, loosening Baekhyun’s hold and let the elder fall into bed. He rolled over into his pillow. “Good night,” they left the room. Then Kyungsoo turned to Sehun. “You go to sleep too,” he said before he went to Jongin who was nodding off at the dining table.

Sehun just nodded, walked past Minseok who passed out on the couch, and Jongdae who was perched on the arm trying to stay awake until they all settled down, and went straight to the corner where Junmywon was and slipped his arms around the waist.

Maybe he didn’t realize it, but Junmyeon immediately went pliant in Sehun’s arms, his back pushed against Sehun’s chest, and Sehun let him.

“Hello, Lay-hyung,” Sehun drawled, smiling at the phone screen where Junmyeon was doing facetime with Yixing. 

“Hi, Sehun-ah,” Yixing waved at him. “I’m just calling to wish Junmyeon a happy birthday. I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

Junmyeon smiled softly. He sniffled and pressed a finger on the corner of his eyes. "It's okay. I'm happy enough you call. It's still early over there, isn't it? You should rest, Yixing-ah."

"I will, don't worry, leader. It looks like you’re the one who’s tired though, I can see your eyebags from here," Yixing said, teasingly. It's blurry, but Sehun could see Yixing's eyes turned to him. "Take care of him for me, would you?”

Sehun looked down; his vision was blurry from the alcohol, but he tightened his hold on Junmyeon. 

He didn't need to be told the promise he made with himself. 

“Of course, hyung.”

  
  


— the crossed line. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sehun didn't know why, but 2017 made him loose. He'd seen too much, he said too much, he showed too much. To their friends, family, fans, outsiders. 

2017 was a revelation, but it's also a trying year. 

Junmyeon took it upon himself to bear it alone. He tried to hide it pretty well from the other younger members, always seeking out Minseok or Yongmin for their constant support and older presence, allowing himself to be the 'younger' and vulnerable. 

Sehun tried. He allowed Junmyeon the space. Gave him some escapades. And Junmyeon took it, spending time away with people that weren't Sehun, as the younger went on to do his own things. Work. Friends. Home. Vacation.

At the end of the day, Junmyeon would always come back to him.

Sehun coddled him. And treat him preciously. And it's okay. Because Junmyeon was way worse in spoiling Sehun. He gives as good as he gets. Yes, he's narcissistic in the way he always sought for Sehun's affection, but he's also selfless, caring. Always proud of Sehun. Always encouraged him. Always adored him. Always complimented him. Feeding Sehun's confidence and ego. 

They have each other. 

Even until the end of the year, the trying time didn’t cease. For all of them. But one thing changed. Instead of keeping it to himself, Junmyeon allowed himself to be comforted by Sehun. And at that point, Sehun knew that he was ready. 

Isn’t it too fast?

Not really, considering how many years has gone by. 

Chanyeol said he's too mature for his age. Isn't twenty-four supposed to be a fun age? But Sehun countered that he already had plenty of fun. And he wanted to confess; because Junmyeon was too serious, too careful. A leader. A hyung. Someone needed to bring down that wall, and Sehun was determined that it would be him; didn’t want it to be anyone else.

"Do you love me?" Sehun asked again, one night, as they walked along the quiet path of Hangang.

It was late, and the place was almost deserted. Some fresh air. Under heavy coats, snow caps and masks. Undetected. Unknown.

"Yes." Junmyeon didn’t hesitate, again. Over and over. "I love you."

Sehun nodded. Hands in pocket, shoulders brushing against each other. Their steps fall to match.

"I’m in love with you." Sehun said. “I will make you happy. Let me date you.”

There was a couple of minutes of silence. Until Junmyeon stopped to look at him. Sehun looked at him back.

“You already make me happy.” Junmyeon whispered. “Your existence makes me happy.”

“Is that a yes?” Sehun asked. 

He’s stubborn, it’s been known. 

Junmyeon let out a laugh. Crinkled eyes, pink cheeks, teeth showing.

Lovely. Sweet. Sehun loves him. 

“Yes,” Junmyeon said. “It’s a yes.”

* * *

> **2018**

"What is your schedule on your birthday?" Junmyeon asked, making Sehun look up from his phone. They were walking into their hotel room after their concert in Bangkok. The rest of the members said good night to them before disappearing into their respective rooms. 

Stretching a bit, Sehun groaned and fell into bed, bouncing from the impact. The door locked with a click. “I think I have something on that day, but I’m too tired to remember it now.”

“Same,” Junmyeon sighed, peeling off the clothes from his body as he chucked it to the corner of the room. Sehun had his own room at the other side of the hallway, but he rarely used it and preferred to stay in Junmyeon’s suite room. Then Junmyeon searched for his sleep clothes in the luggage. “I think I forgot to bring anything to sleep in.”

“Take my shirt,” Sehun waved his hand from the bed. “I don’t wear anything to bed anyway,”

Junmyeon’s eyes glazed towards where Sehun was splayed eagle-like. “You can say that again,”

Sehun picked up the tone, sat up quickly and raised an immaculate eyebrow at his boyfriend. Junmyeon just smiled sweetly as he stepped out from his pants and underwear, standing bare like the day he was born. Sehun swallowed, his eyes raked over Junmyeon’s body.

“I’m gonna take a shower first,” Junmyeon said, glancing at Sehun knowingly before closing the bedroom door behind him, locked. 

Groaning, Sehun laid down again, taking a deep breath as he tried not to focus on his twitching member. 

Junmyeon could be such a tease sometimes.

Sehun loves him.

  
  
  
  


They didn’t do anything much on Sehun’s birthday; they were both busy with work but Junmyeon managed to be back by midnight, greeted Sehun at the entrance, bringing home a small cake that Sehun was sure wasn’t designer (by the local, street bakery price tag on the box). He was sweaty and hadn't had the time to change since his morning schedule, but still Sehun pulled him into a hug, kissing him soundly. 

“Happy birthday, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon muttered into his mouth before pulling apart.

“Thank you,” Sehun took the cake box and proceeded to the kitchen, where they lit up the candles for the cake. Junmyeon sang the birthday song and urged Sehun to make a wish.

Sehun clasped his hands together, closed his eyes with a serious face, and said, “I wish to have shower sex with Kim Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon burst out laughing and Sehun grinned at him expectedly after he blew out the candles. 

“Do I smell that bad?" He made a show of smelling himself. "Well, I’m thinking about giving you a different birthday present, but I guess shower sex works too—”

Sehun went to him, cake forgotten, tucking off Junmyeon’s belt. He titled his head, lower lips jutted knowing what it would do to Junmyeon. “Who says I can’t have two birthday presents?”

Junmyeon hummed in agreement, looping his arms around Sehun’s shoulders. “Okay, I guess you can have two presents, birthday boy.”

Overall, it’s a normal birthday celebration.

Sehun was in a photoshoot for a magazine when he got the idea. 

"Candlelight dinner?" Sehun asked, titling his chin to look at his coordinator. 

"Yeah, my husband found the place a year ago. It's so hard to get a reservation, but a guy at his job knew the manager there, so we got a table last weekend," she hummed happily as she applied the brush on Sehun's forehead. "Their food is to die for! And they even have Romanee Conti! I can help you get a table if you want."

Sehun smiled, thinking about it. "That would be great."

Sehun told Junmyeon about the restaurant, and suggested to him to celebrate Junmyeon's birthday there. At first, Junmyeon thought they would celebrate with the members like last year, but Sehun shook his head and told him to get ready and wear his best. 

It would be ideal if Sehun plans for it to be a surprise as they get ready separately, with Sehun going to Junmyeon's apartment to fetch him for a romantic date night. But after their choreograph practice ran late, Sehun ended up telling Junmyeon so they could rush and arrive at the restaurant on time for their reservation. So when they reached the dorm, they quickly showered and just threw in their coats and dress shirts and ties and hastily tried to tame their hair. 

"Woah, you two cleans up nicely," Jongin's eyes went big when the two of them walked out of the room. "Where are you going?" 

Junmyeon was already out of the door, kicking his shoes in, so Sehun just smiled and waved at him. "Date night."

They reached the restaurant by Sehun's car. The coordinator-noona managed to get the manager to book a private room for them, away from knowing eyes, and they ordered some of the top menu and an expensive bottle of wine. When the clock struck twelve, a waiter rolled in a small, beautiful birthday cake custom made by the restaurant's own baker. The waiter lit up the candles and muttered a "happy birthday" to Junmyeon before exiting the room. He made sure they were left alone again before Sehun reached to pull Junmyeon into a kiss. 

"What was that?" Junmyeon laughed, clutching on Sehun's biceps as he melted into Sehun's arms. 

"Nothing," Sehun shook his head, smiling. "Happy birthday, Junmyeon. Now, make a wish." He nodded at the cake as he turned to stand behind Junmyeon, hugging his waist.

"I wish I can always make you happy," it didn't take long for Junmyeon to say it out-loud before blowing the candles, and he turned so he could connect their lips again. 

Sehun smirked into Junmyeon's lips, pressing his fingers over Junmyeon's cheek. "Your wish is granted."

After the dinner, Sehun planned to get a taxi to get home and just fetch the car tomorrow— but then Junmyeon suggested for them to walk for a while, and Sehun agreed. 

The whole neighborhood was quiet as the restaurant was located a bit far off from the city, as they walked side by side, their hands swinging between them. They stumbled upon a lonely park at the end of the block. They glanced at each other knowingly before running over to it. 

The size of the park was pretty small, surrounded by empty streets and untrimmed shrubs. A wooden bridge built at the edge of the small pond. The soft, dimly-lit street lights were the only thing that illuminate the park, blanketing the place like a sheltered universe. 

Junmyeon reached it first, and gestured to Sehun. “Come, take a picture with me.” He took out his camera so they could take a selfie. Their pictures didn't come out great under the yellow light, but they were precious from the way their bodies gravitated towards each other, cheeks flushed intimately. Then he asked Sehun to take his picture in the nice suit he’s wearing. His tie was loose, his dress shirt was unbuttoned at the top and his hair was spiky at the side because Sehun had pulled it when they were kissing before. He looked absolutely ridiculous as he tried to pose by the railing.

“How is it?” Junmyeon ran to Sehun’s side, peeking at the screen. Sehun showed him the picture. “Perfect!”

It was perfect. Junmyeon looked gorgeous in the photo. 

Then Junmyeon went back to the middle of the bridge, giggling softly before straightening his posture and bowed slightly, extending his hand. Sehun watched him, amused and endeared, as he returned the bow. Sehun stepped forward when Junmyeon started humming and grasped his hands. They grinned at each other as they moved and swayed with the tune, clumsy and playful. 

If someone would have seen them now, they wouldn't believe the drunk, silly people were Kim Junmyeon and Oh Sehun. Sehun spinned Junmyeon around and he almost hit Sehun on the stomach; Sehun nearly hit Junmyeon's face with his elbow; they bumped into each other many times before Junmyeon ended up wrapping his arms around Sehun's waist tightly and stared into his eyes. 

Sehun stopped and just let himself be carried away, gazing down at Junmyeon’s face. They breathed harshly. Sehun felt his heart thumping loudly against his chest and his head was spinning, so he tucked his face into Junmyeon's shoulder as he returned the embrace. 

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon muttered. His breath smelled like berry.

Sehun huffed a laugh. “I’m amazing,”

Junmyeon just smiled.

It took them some time before they let go of each other and actually called for a taxi to get back at the dorm. During the ride, Sehun happened to see his face in the window reflection and he was surprised to see his own lovestruck face. His whole body flustered and when he turned, Junmyeon was staring at him with the same, mirrored lovestruck look and Sehun fell a little bit more in love. 

When they reached home, they didn't try to be quiet. Junmyeon muttered into Sehun's lips how they could apologize to Jongin or Chanyeol later as they shuffled into the bedroom and locked the door. The bed was blissfully cleared when they dropped into the mattress together. 

"Sehunnie," Junmyeon sighed, nails digging in Sehun's shoulder. "My lovely, handsome Sehunnie. Kiss me, please."

Sehun didn't have to be told twice. He covered Junmyeon's body with his and kissed him with all the feelings bleeding out from his heart. 

_My Junmyeon_ , Sehun thought. Shaking. Helpless. Smitten. 

_Mine_. 

  
  
  


They're in love; they're together; they're happy. What else could they ask for? 

And thank god both Chanyeol and Jongin weren't at the dorm that night. 

* * *

> **2019**

Chanyeol called it, post-bliss honeymoon. 

“You look positively glowing.” Chanyeol commented, grinning widely as he strolled into the studio. “But why the long face? I thought you should be energetic and ready to work now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sehun said.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “Come on, we all know about you and Junmyeon-hyung even if you two aren’t telling us anything.” He sat and scooted his chair closer to Sehun, patting his shoulders. “And we understand.” He smiled. 

Sehun didn’t answer, just messing with the papers on the desk, looking at nothing. He could see the words, but he couldn’t read them. His mind was elsewhere.

“Anyway, I saw Junmyeon-hyung take off just a week after coming back to Seoul. Where is he going?” Chanyeol asked. He leaned back on his chair.

“He has an event in Hong Kong." He paused. "Do you know about his plan for next year?” Sehun asked rhetorically. Chanyeol just nodded. There would be big changes for them as a group this year and the next. 

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

Sehun hesitated. “He— Junmyeon-hyung said— because what’s coming next year, he said he wants to do as much as he can this year.” 

Chanyeol frowned. “Okay?”

“Next he will be going to Italy, then Australia. He will be doing more, travelling more; he already gave me a heads up about his plan and I’m just— What if he’s so busy that he couldn’t contact me? I’m just afraid he will forget me, that’s all.” Sehun groaned and turned around so Chanyeol wouldn’t see his face. “It’s silly, okay? Just forget about it!”

“Hey,” Chanyeol held his shoulders and spun him around so they were facing each other. “It’s okay, it’s not silly.” He paused. "Is there any reason you worried about this? Did he say something?" 

“I don’t know,” Sehun folded his knees, hiding his face behind them. “It feels— When we were in LA— Everything seemed too perfect. I’m just too happy, and I got scared? Am I ungrateful?”

Sehun looked up, and regretted doing so because Chanyeol was staring at him like he’s something precious and the next thing he knew, Chanyeol glomped into him and ruffled his hair. “Awww, you’re so cute!” And he laughed when Sehun just rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry, Junmyeon-hyung couldn’t even last a day without calling you, of course he won’t forget you! Sometimes, when things go well for us, there’s always that kind of anxiety that something will get messed up. You just have to ignore that, okay? You’ll be fine.” 

Sehun nodded. He trusted Chanyeol. Chanyeol wouldn’t lie just to make him feel better right?

Yeah, it’s probably just the anxiety. Things were going too well for him and Junmyeon. They’re happy and in love. 

They will be fine.

  
  
  
  
  


“You’re not gonna be in Seoul for my birthday?” Sehun frowned, his phone on speaker as he sat on the couch, looking at the device heatedly.

He was at home after a full two days of filming and photoshoot and Junmyeon hasn't contacted him since— three days ago. The last message he sent to Junmyeon was asking if he had reached Paris and Junmyeon didn’t even reply.

“I’m sorry, Sehunnie. I’ll make it up to you, okay? Since I’m in Paris, I will buy anything you want as a birthday gift.”

What about their tradition then? Birthday cake? Birthday candles? Birthday wish? Celebrating at midnight? Sehun didn’t care about some birthday gift from Paris; he just wanted Junmyeon to be in Seoul, by his side, wishing him and get him a birthday cake because isn’t that their tradition?

And now Junmyeon is in Paris— the place where they confessed to each other— with some other man?

“Are you sure you can’t cut your vacation short?” Sehun’s voice became low. 

He’s scared. He’s starting to get scared.

_They will be fine._

What if they’re not?

There’s a static at the other side of the call, and some weird noises at the back. "Sehunnie, you know how important this is for me. Besides, you’re going to be busy too, right? Especially with the filming and the sub-unit debut.” 

Junmyeon’s voice sounded cheerful, and didn't even realize the turmoil going on in Sehun’s head. The insecurity. The anxiety. It was never like this. Junmyeon always knew when there’s something wrong with him. Always.

Sehun had never been so annoyed in his life.

“This is important too, hyung.” Sehun said, unconsciously clenching his fist. 

“I know, Sehunnie, I promise I will buy the best birthday gift, okay? I’m sure your friends are planning something for your birthday too. You won’t even feel like I’m not there!” Then another voice spoke to him in the background. “Oh, we’ve arrived. Listen, I’m at the Palace of Versailles now. Can you believe it? I’m so excited. I’ll talk to you soon, Sehun-ah.”

And just like that, the phone call ended.

Where’s all that sweetness from before? Where’s the ‘I miss you’ or ‘I love you’? The things that make them— 

Did Junmyeon even miss him?

Sehun felt like he wanted to cry.

His birthday came, and his friends threw him a classy birthday party with expensive champagne and two designer-customized birthday cakes. Everyone wished him well and Sehun looked at them gratefully, happy to be surrounded by good people who he could trust.

A message came approximately fifteen minutes after midnight. He had been receiving messages since earlier but this time it's different. It’s a birthday wish from Junmyeon. Sehun glanced and blatantly ignored it as he focused his attention to his friends.

In the next few hours, when he was drunk and loose, he checked Instagram to see Junmyeon had posted a birthday wish for him there too with the same caption as what he posted for Kyungsoo, Jongin and Minseok. 

It was a picture when they were both in LA last January. Sehun stared at himself, making that silly face next to Junmyeon. Sehun remembered every last detail from that picture; where they were, what they said, how Junmyeon felt like. They visited so many places. They met so many people. They tasted so much food. They slept in until afternoon. They had continuous sex, kisses and cuddles. They also talked a lot— it’s impressive how they had known each other for over ten years and still have so many things to talk about. Sehun might whine a lot when Junmyeon asked him to take pictures, but he enjoyed doing it because he knew Junmyeon loved it.

Everything was perfect. 

Oh, how he was happy. Too happy. Too content. His heart could burst from how happy he was being with Junmyeon. 

Was Junmyeon happy as well?

Or did he already get bored with Sehun by that time?

Sehun snorted. He typed a witty reply. He wished he was coherent enough to not let Junmyeon catch how bitter he was.

  
  
  
  


When Junmyeon came back, they didn’t have the full-blown fight like Sehun imagined. But honestly, he couldn’t even comprehend how it would go anyway, since they’re both sucks at fighting. Junmyeon didn’t even tell him when his flight arrived and Sehun didn’t check the news, so he was surprised when he saw Junmyeon at the dorm, lounging at the couch while writing.

“When did you come back?”

Junmyeon looked up. His hair was mused from sleep. He looked beautiful.

Sehun felt his heart clenched painfully.

“Yesterday,” Junmyeon replied simply, burying his face into the throw blanket he had around his shoulders, one hand reaching out aimlessly towards him. “I’m still a bit jet lagged, how are you doing?”

Sehun held himself back from taking the hand. “If you at least reply to my messages or calls, you would know how I’m doing.” Sehun said curtly, letting his bag fall to the floor.

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, I’m sorry. I really meant to reply when I go back to the hotel, but I forgot.” He bent to pick up something from behind the couch. “I’m really sorry, happy birthday again, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon held a box to him.

“Is that all you can say? ‘I’m sorry’?”

As if sensing the tension, Junmyeon put down the gift, set aside his pen and blanket, turning to Sehun completely. “Why are you mad?”

“You should know why I’m angry, hyung.”

“I really don’t? Are you angry because I missed your birthday? I told you I’m sorry, we can even go out to celebrate tonight if you want.”

It's easy to yell and shout and just _hurt_. It wouldn’t take much at all; it would be so easy to hurt Junmyeon just to satisfy his anger.

“It’s not just that,” Sehun crossed his arms. “We haven’t properly talked for two weeks. Do you realize that? And the last time I actually saw your face was about a month ago. How would you feel if I do that to you? That birthday is the least of my concern.” 

Junmyeon sighed, climbing off the couch and walked to Sehun. There was only an arm length between them. 

“It’s not like I didn’t want to talk to you, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon said, soft and low. The voice he usually uses whenever he’s trying to console or convince someone. “I— I had too much to think about when I’m— when I was there. There will be so many changes happening and I got worried— about the future, about everything— I got distracted. You understand me, right?”

No, Sehun didn’t understand. He didn’t want to understand. “What did you think about?”

Junmyeon hesitated, not meeting Sehun’s eyes. He looked pale and obviously tired, and Sehun felt him. They’re similar in many ways.

“I can’t tell you yet—”

“You can’t tell me or you don’t want to tell me?” Sehun felt himself shaking. “Why didn’t you share your worry with me? I thought you trust me.”

“I do trust you! There’s no one else I trust more than you.”

Sehun shook his head. “Then why would you hide it from me? Do you still think that I’m a child that needs your protection?”

Or did you think that we were a mistake and you realized that you would be much better without me? 

Junmyeon turned pale and he stared at Sehun, and oh, Sehun didn’t realize he spoke the last sentence out loud until he saw the expression on Junmyeon’s face. It was obvious, the pain, the hurt, the absolute heartbreak; and Sehun did that. He put those looks on Junmyeon.

“You didn't mean that,” Junmyeon whispered, staring at Sehun with his big eyes. "Please tell me you didn't mean that."

Sehun picked up his bag before he could see any tears in those eyes. “I have to go,” he turned away, running out of the dorm and slammed the door behind him, never looking back.

  
  
  
  
  


It got awkward.

It got so awkward and tense that literally every member could tell there was something off with them. Because they work closely together; it got intense when they had a clash of opinions in meetings. They even avoided each other, dancing around to not stay alone together in one space. And since Sehun bought an apartment villa in Samseong-dong, he rarely stayed at the dorm anymore. 

They didn't ask, but the members and managers were aware of how something had shifted between him and Junmyeon. They tried to be supportive to both of them without voicing it out, giving them space but they couldn't help but send curious glances at Sehun and Junmyeon when they had to be in the same room with each other. Sehun was thankful for their worries, but he didn't want anyone else to be involved in his affair with the leader, and they respected that. Seems that Junmyeon also had the same thought, as he became closed off. 

Their lives continued as usual, even though there were no more late night phone calls or rushing to get home so they could see each other after days of missing each other.

Sehun got busier and he was glad by the distraction. Sometimes he would go weeks without knowing what Junmyeon was up to. 

  
  
  


One day before Junmyeon's birthday arrived, he was standing outside a famous bakery, staring at a cake with deep, blue icing. He kept thinking how Junmyeon would love it. 

He bought the cake. 

Sehun quietly stepped into the dorm, trying to listen to any sound. It was empty. Half of him was discouraged, but the other half of him was relieved. 

He went to Junmyeon's room, and raised an eyebrow at how organized the place was. There's no clothes piling up, and his stuffed toys and comic books were at their own places. As he stood at threshold and looked around, he was hit by some kind of nostalgia and loneliness. 

Sehun used to be the one who nagged him for having his clothes lying around. Sehun was usually the one who righted the stuffed dolls and picked up laundry. 

Junmyeon didn't need him to do that anymore. 

Junmyeon didn't need—

He quickly left the room. 

The door to his own room was shut tight, but it wasn't locked. They had separate rooms at the dorm for almost half a year now. As he stepped inside, he immediately saw the small, wrapped box on his cluttered desk. 

It was the birthday gift Junmyeon was trying to give him on that day. 

Sehun nearly forgot about it. He carefully opened the wrapping and the box, to reveal a high-end perfume bottle that he was familiar with. It's the same perfume that Junmyeon had been using; the one that Sehun had mentioned once, saying he loved the scent on Junmyeon. There was his name, 'SEHUN' engraved at the top of the bottle with a little heart at the end of the name. 

Placing the perfume bottle back into the box carefully, he took it and put it into his bag. Then he went out, placed the white box of cake on the messy dining table before walking out of the dorm.

When it was twelve o'clock, he waited for the members to send birthday wishes to the leader in their group chat. He joined them with a short, obligatory wish. Turning off his phone, Sehun rolled on his bed, and stared at the perfume bottle he put on the nightstand. 

His dreams were clouded with familiar laughter and intoxicating taste. 

The next day, on Junmyeon's birthday, Sehun received a text when he was at the company studio with Chanyeol. It was from Junmyeon. He had taken a picture of the cake Sehun put in the dorm, with a brief caption of "thank you for the cake" and an after-thought text saying "thank you for accepting the birthday present."

It was a simple text, but he was overwhelmed.

Sehun had to leave the studio in a hurry and stormed outside to get some fresh air and clear his mind. He was sure he had shut his bedroom door before he left. Junmyeon wouldn't notice he took the gift if Junmyeon didn't go to his room. Junmyeon wasn’t the nosy type, he never went into the members’ rooms if it wasn’t necessary. But he went into Sehun’s room, on his birthday.

It hurts. It wasn't supposed to, but his heart beat painfully.

Sehun sat on the steps of the building, head buried into his arms, holding himself back from running to the dorm. He didn’t know what he would do; whether he wanted to hug Junmyeon or scream at his face. 

  
  


Scream about how much Sehun missed him. 

Scream about how much it hurt that Junmyeon didn’t rely on him, making him feel lonely, and jealous, and unimportant. 

Scream about how much Sehun still loved him despite the pain. 

Deep breath. Let out. Deep breath. Release. 

His chest throbbed painfully. How did they end up like this? Would this go on forever? This had been the longest fight they ever had with each other. The longest they had gone without talking to each other. It became so bad that sometimes when he was talking to Chanyeol, he accidentally called him Junmyeon. Sehun blamed it on their once codependency, they never been apart for more than two weeks for the past ten years of their lives. What did he expect? 

When Chanyeol found him at the step later on, he had mostly calmed down, and ready to work again. His hyung sent him a knowing, pity look, and Sehun turned away from him.

  
  


Since then, Junmyeon has started texting him again, personally, and not at the group chat. And on occasions, Sehun would reply. The messages were short and straightforward; asking about the practice, the group gathering, the sub-unit debut. But at least, it was _something_. Something was mended. Healing. 

Concerts started. But their relationship still needed more healing. More trust. More forgiveness. 

And one day, they started talking again. 

The conversations were like their texts; short, straightforward, and non-personal. But Sehun could literally hear the relief sigh by all the other members and managers simultaneously.

There's still that awkward, strained gap between them. Aside from the texts and small talks, the progress was that Junmyeon started approaching him first; standing near him, looking at him, touching him. Junmyeon tried hard to fix their relationship but Sehun wasn't cooperating, stubborn and prideful. Sehun still kept him at an arm's length, only indulging him when it was absolutely necessary, resulting in a stiff and weird push-and-pull.

Honestly, he wasn’t that angry anymore. The anger had long subsided, and Sehun kept thinking how to tell Junmyeon that he was forgiven, and wanted to ask for forgiveness himself. It's tough, and while he was busy and struggling himself, he saw how Junmyeon was struggling as well. 

  
  
  


“Sehunnie,”

Sehun turned around to see Junmyeon looking at him, the big black hoodie almost drowned him. It looked heavy and it weighed down his shoulders that Sehun almost asked if he wasn't feeling warm wearing it in the summer. He had a bag sling behind him as if he’s waiting for something. The other members filtered out of the hallway quietly, giving them their privacy. At that point, Sehun realized it had been months since they were alone in a close space.

“You didn’t bring your car?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “Jongdae drove me here,”

Sehun nodded, pushing the glass door open. “Let’s go then, I’ll take you home.”

Something flashed on Junmyeon’s face, something like gratefulness? And he closely followed Sehun to the car. They entered the car wordlessly, buckling in. When the car moved out of the basement parking, it was already dark. 

Sehun glanced at the clock on the car dashboard and realized it was already one in the morning. Their meeting and practice ran late again. The road ahead was black; the yellow street-lights reminded him of a secret dance in a small, forgotten park, on a bridge— hidden away; tucked neatly in his heart.

"Do you love me?" 

Sehun almost turned when Junmyeon suddenly asked that question. But he held back, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Because I do. I love you." Junmyeon answered instead. Sehun couldn't see his face because it was hidden under the hood. "I love you so much I don't know what to do with these feelings. I was so happy that I become— scared."

Sehun let him speak. Now that Junmyeon finally wanted to speak.

"Everything is changing and next year— Next year I won’t be here. And what if— what if something happens and it becomes a permanent tear between us? My fear gets to me that I ended up distancing myself from you." Junmyeon pulled on the hoodie string. Anxious. Nervous. "I became so— careless, insensitive, neglectful. I should reply to your calls and messages, I should know how important our tradition is, I should tell you things that make me worried. But I didn't because I thought I didn't want to burden you, didn't want to make you lose interest in me."

Lose interest? Did Junmyeon not realize how Sehun had been in love with him for the past ten years? They saw each other at their best and worst and still Sehun adored him. 

How could he not? Junmyeon was his _person_.

“I just— I couldn’t help it. Since this year started, I have been planning so many things in preparation for next year; my mind was just all over the place. I shouldn’t say it like an excuse for being a jerk to you. I just want to say—

"I'm sorry."

_"I'm complicated."_

_It's okay. They could be complicated together._

The car pulled off from the road, making a turn into a basement entrance of a familiar, high-rise building. Sehun took out his access card, scanned it and the parking gate opened up for him. 

Junmyeon looked up, his hood sliding off from his head. “Wait— this isn’t the dorm—”

“No,” Sehun drove into his reserved parking spot. After pulling the hand brake, he unbuckled his seatbelt and glanced at Junmyeon. “I told you I’m taking you home.”

_“This is my choice.”_

Junmyeon was speechless. He just stared as Sehun got out from the car, signaling him to do the same. Junmyeon scrambled off from the seat, taking his bag with him. They went up to Sehun’s apartment at the top floor of the building. Sehun took off his jacket and turned on the lights in the hallway, but when he saw Junmyeon's silhouette standing in the middle of the living room with the windows overlooking the city lights in the background, as if waiting for something, he paused. 

Junmyeon looked smaller than Sehun remembered. 

Junmyeon looked around the apartment. "I thought I would never come here again." he said. 

"Why not?" 

Sliding his hood off completely, black hair a contrast against his fair skin, Junmyeon turned to him. “I thought you hated me,”

Now, it was Sehun who was startled. “Why would I hate you?”

A shrug, his eyes darted to his sock-feet. “I did say that if we started dating, you might end up hating me.”

Sehun walked towards him, closing the wide gap between them. He completely forgot about turning on the lights in the living room but it's okay, he still got to see Junmyeon clearly. “I might be angry or sad— but I can never hate you.”

Junmyeon still had his head down to their feet. 

“I thought— when you trusted me with your problems back then, it means you were ready. Ready for us to be— us." Sehun said. Staring at Junmyeon's head. "... Do you regret being with me?"

Junmyeon frowned, glaring at him. Suddenly, Sehun felt relief. "No, and don't you ever say that again. It's as if you don't know me. You know how cautious I am but I never regret the things I chose to do, and that includes dating you."

_"This is my choice."_

Sehun sighed. “Then, I’m sorry too. I was being insensitive about your problems too,” he paused, contemplating on his words. “The things you're planning for next year— I should be more supportive. This is your time to do what you want, and I misunderstood. And when you said everything would change; I thought it was silly at first. But now that our choreo became simpler, and our concert ment became shorter; I suddenly realized what you were so worried about. What's more there would be things that— some of us— couldn't relate with each other anymore.”

The practice room was too big, the waiting room was too quiet. The emptiness was vast and deafening. 

It was lonely. 

It was scary.

But as they grow older, they know that things can't stay the same forever, and they move on. 

And keep moving on. 

Junmyeon nodded, then when he looked up, Sehun could finally see how the stress had been building up for Junmyeon. He looked pale, his lips were cracked and he's— thin, despite the muscles. Sehun was shocked at how he didn’t notice it earlier.

Before he could ask, Junmyeon already reached to hold his arms, looking glum. "You— haven't you been eating?" Junmyeon asked. Sehun realized he might be the exact copy of Junmyeon too; pale, tired and thin. 

Then he remembered how he had seen Junmyeon's half-eaten bowl in the practice room, or untouched packed lunch in the waiting room. Sehun himself couldn't stomach most of the food, preferred to sit with Jongin or take naps before the schedules, completely ignoring whatever Junmyeon did. He still remembered the sleepless nights in the bed, staring at the dark alone. How Junmyeon would spend the entire free time catching up on sleep in sofas at their schedules instead, claiming that he couldn't sleep well at night. 

They were both miserable without each other. 

_It's okay. They could be complicated together._

People are forgetful creatures, aren’t they. The promise he made a few years ago— Sehun couldn't believe he almost broke that promise. 

"Let's eat somewhere together tomorrow, your treat." Sehun smiled and reached up to hold Junmyeon's face; just because. 

Junmyeon let out a shuddering breath, pressing his cheeks into Sehun's palms. "Yes, okay." He muttered. "I'll treat you to anything you want to eat— just name it."

"Anything?" Sehun raised his eyebrows. 

Junmyeon nodded with no hesitation. "Anything."

Sehun pouted. "But what if— I want something else as well?" 

"Just name it, I will give it to you."

Sehun leaned down to press their foreheads close. "I want you to tell me when something bothers you," 

Junmyeon paused, his big eyes staring at Sehun without blinking. "Oh— Okay, yeah, all right."

"And you have to tell me what you were planning."

"That's—" Junmyeon's eyes darted away but Sehun stood his ground.

"Please don't hide your problems from me. When I said I want to care and love you, I mean I will love _all of you_ , just like how you love all of me." And Sehun stared at him until he gave in. "Isn't sadness is half when you share?" 

Junmyeon couldn't deny it. Sometimes, people don't practice what they preach. And he was one of them. "Okay, got it. I will tell you everything." Junmyeon mumbled. "But you have to promise to tell me everything too."

Sehun agreed immediately. He didn't have many secrets that he kept from Junmyeon anyway. "That's fair, I promise." The heavy cloud had been lifted; Sehun felt like all his worries and anxiety settled down. "Come here," 

Junmyeon went in to hug Sehun tightly around the waist, burying his head under Sehun's chin. Sehun welcomed him heartily, enjoying the familiar warmth and scent. How did he go and live months without Junmyeon in his arms? 

“Since I promise I will tell you everything, I will tell you this; you don't have to worry about me losing interest in you.” Sehun's cheeks flushed, embarrassed at what he was about to say next. "I have been in love with you for ten years. I can't stop at this point."

Sehun was expecting some remark, or even a teasing laugh, but Junmyeon just turned his face, and mumbled into Sehun's collarbone. "When I saw the cake, I thought it would be the last birthday cake I ever received from you. I was heartbroken. So I went into your room to sleep, and noticed the perfume was gone. At that time, I thought there's a slight hope that you would have forgiven me."

"You slept in my room?" 

A nod. "The bed smells like you." 

Sehun took a breath and his eyes closed tightly, before he quickly leaned down to seek Junmyeon's lips so they could finally kiss.

It felt like breathing. Being drowned and comes back to life. 

They ended up on the couch, didn’t have the heart to be separated even for a minute. Junmyeon straddled Sehun, pinning him on his back by the hips. Junmyeon's fingers slid under Sehun's shirt, touching his rippled abs all the way to his pecs. 

"I miss touching you," Junmyeon whispered at his lips. 

Sehun grabbed a handful of Junmyeon's buttocks and pressed their hips together, moaning when he could feel Junmyeon's hardness on his own. They were already half hard even before they reached the couch. "I miss you touching me," he felt like he was desperate when he voiced that out loud, but he didn't care anymore. 

The shirt was lifted, and Sehun whined when he had to let go of Junmyeon as he raised his arms reluctantly; Junmyeon pushed the shirt off of Sehun and to the floor. Sehun thought the oversized hoodie was offensive too, so he immediately pulled the clothes off Junmyeon. They went back to kissing when they were both blissfully shirtless. Junmyeon sucked on his tongue, and Sehun realized he wasn't the only one who was desperate. He started to feel like he loved the honest Junmyeon the best. 

Junmyeon bent down to suck a kiss on Sehun's collarbone, worshipping the skin as Sehun continued to moan under his boyfriend's ministrations. Junmyeon's hand worked to unbuckle Sehun's belt, pulling down his zipper and forcefully peeled off his jeans and underwear; Sehun sighed at finally being relieved. 

Junmyeon's fingers curled around his shaft, tugging it a few times before letting his thumb circled around the head. Sehun could feel his pre-cum leaking at Junmyeon's touch and oh, how he missed this. This feeling, this warmth— Junmyeon's lips, Junmyeon's fingers—

"Sehunnie," Junmyeon sighed, somewhere around his navel. He nudged and pushed Sehun's cock to his stomach, and suddenly there's a mouth closing around his head. Sehun groaned when Junmyeon sucked a couple of times, adjusting the width stretching his lips, his hand still pulling short at the base of Sehun's length lazily, his tongue licking at the pre-cum. Sehun felt Junmyeon's other hand drifted lower to play with his balls, and a finger brushed against his hole teasingly. 

Sehun shuddered in lust and want, craving for more touches. Once Junmyeon was done adjusting, he slid his mouth lower to take on Sehun's length, moaning as he did so, as if having Sehun's cock in his mouth was something that he was grateful for. He slid off, then down again slowly. He did that a couple of times before Sehun finally took Junmyeon under the armpits, pulling him away from his cock and dragged him up to face Sehun again. Junmyeon was a bit startled at being pulled off, confused and anxious. Sehun swore he could come now and then just by looking at Junmyeon's red, stretched lips, flushed cheeks and dilated eyes. 

"What's wrong? Did you not want to—" Junmyeon said in a careful tone, and Sehun shook his head. 

"Believe me, there's nothing I want more. But I miss seeing your face, so let me see your face." It was no secret that Sehun loved Junmyeon's handsome face and it had been _months_ , so sue him if he wanted to come while staring at the face he loved. 

Junmyeon smiled at him softly. "Okay, you want to fuck me then?" Sehun swallowed, almost throwing all his senses out of the window. "There's still lube and condoms in the bedroom?" 

Sehun took a deep breath. Calm. Calm. "Yes, but Junmyeon, you have a schedule tomorrow, you need to stand and walk for hours."

Junmyeon pouted a bit, looking positively disappointed, and Sehun almost laughed. Sehun stood from the couch with his arms under Junmyeon's thighs, and made Junmyeon wrap his legs around Sehun's torso, as he walked towards the dark bedroom. Sehun turned on the nightstand lamp because he wanted to see Junmyeon better, and when he laid down on the bed, he let go of one hand so he could search for the lube bottle in the drawer. He pulled Junmyeon in to kiss the pout away, slipping his free hand into the back of Junmyeon's pants. He scratched the skin of his ass lightly until Junmyeon mewled into his mouth. 

"I don't think I can hold back much if I fuck you." Sehun confessed. 

"Hmm, understandable." Junmyeon sighed, nipping on Sehun's lips, as if he couldn't get enough of Sehun's taste in his mouth. Sehun's cock twitched with interest. 

"Take your pants off," 

Junmyeon kissed him off with a loud sound. He was wearing tracksuit pants so it was easy to take off, and when he's naked, he laid down on top of Sehun again so they could kiss. Their hard-ons slipped closely, Junmyeon's pre-cum left a smear on Sehun's hip. Sehun took Junmyeon's hands, squeezed an enough amount of lube, and guided them down to their cocks, wrapping his fingers around them both, and simultaneously groaned at the feeling of their cocks pressing against each other, engulfed in the tight heat of Junmyeon's hands. 

"Junmyeon, darling," Sehun slid his free fingers into Junmyeon's hair, whispering in his ear. "Get us off, love."

Sehun knew the effect of pet names during sex to Junmyeon, and he took the pleasure of seeing Junmyeon shivered and panted at his words, and the flushed on his chest and neck painting him nicely in the dimly lighted room. 

Junmyeon, with both hands wrapped around his and Sehun's shafts, started jerking them both at the same time. He twisted his wrists lightly, trying to drag the feeling while warming up the lube to smooth his movement. Their cocks lined up in perfect sync, flushed red against their stomachs. Sehun watched Junmyeon's face, entranced at how erotic the scene was, while Junmyeon concentrated on bringing them both to the edge. The feeling built up to the center, and Junmyeon whined loudly when his fingers started to slip, brushing and pushing his cock harder against Sehun's longer one. He put one of his palms over both the heads, rubbing them together and making Sehun groaned from the back of his throat. 

"Baby, you're so good." Sehun praised him, wrapping his arms tightly around Junmyeon, pressing kisses on his cheek and temple. "You're so good to me. I love you so much. Come on, come for me, my love."

Junmyeon cried out, as he came all over their stomachs; his body trembled from the orgasm. Tears formed at the corner of his eyes, and he was biting his lips hard, that Sehun had to tug his chin lightly before Junmyeon could injure himself. Seeing Junmyeon's face quickly built up his own orgasm, and Sehun silent his whimper into Junmyeon's mouth, as Junmyeon stroked his cock lazily, milking him out. Comes spurt against his stomach, some catching on Junmyeon's cock. Junmyeon gasped at the feeling and came for a second time. 

Catching their breaths, Sehun and Junmyeon laid on the bed exhausted. Sehun was tempted to just roll Junmyeon to the side, cuddle him up and sleep until morning, but then their come would get everywhere and ruin the sheet and they would be so uncomfortable. 

"Junmyeon, baby," Sehun whispered, nudging his shoulder gently. "Let's go clean up."

Junmyeon was petulant to get up, tired and sleepy. So Sehun hoisted him up in his arms, hands under Junmyeon's thighs once again, as he strolled into the en-suite bathroom. He sat Junmyeon down on the bathroom counter, letting the elder dozed into his shoulder as Sehun grabbed the nearest towel and ran it under warm water. As careful as he could, Sehun cleaned up the mess on their stomachs, thighs and their soft cocks. When he looked at their reflection on the mirror, Sehun could see the light returned to his eyes again. 

He was happy. Too happy. 

When they got back into the room and slid under the cover, Sehun turned off the light and made sure he put on the alarm so they both didn't oversleep. Junmyeon opened his eyes for a bit to smile and kissed him, mumbling how much he loved Sehun, and drifted off. Sehun smiled back, pulling Junmyeon close into his arms and pressed his lips on Junmyeon's forehead, as he mumbled the same, returned affection. 

  
  


They couldn't spend much time together after that. Junmyeon took off to Jeju with his friends a couple of days later, but this time he called Sehun every night so they could talk before they slept. Sometimes Junmyeon's friends would interrupt just for fun (seems like they all know about him and Junmyeon, so Sehun felt much better. Not that Junmyeon's friends were a threat, but just in case—) 

Sehun was half drunk, tired, wistful, and lovesick when he went through his LA photos and posted one where he thought Junmyeon looked the cutest on his Instagram. 

* * *

> **2020, April 12th.**

There was noise coming from the front door, and Sehun watched Monsieur peeked up from where he was laying on Sehun's lap, sniffing something. Then after a second he laid back down, content when he recognized the scent, and went back to sleep. 

Junmyeon appeared from the corner of the room, grinning widely. He bounced at where Sehun was sitting on the couch, and Sehun instinctively opened his arms as Junmyeon threw himself to the space beside Sehun where it's unoccupied by any pet. 

"Did you have fun at your online fan meeting?" 

"It's lonely, though." Junmyeon said, sighing loudly and slumped even more into Sehun's embrace. "I kinda adopt the pianist because I don't have anyone else to talk to," 

Sehun thought it would be cruel to laugh, so he just rub Junmyeon's back to comfort him. "Should I be expecting him to come to dinner with us from now on?" 

Junmyeon punched him lightly on the chest, sulking, and Sehun choked out a sudden, loud laugh, and Monsieur looked up in confusion. Huffing, he hopped off the couch and settled on the carpet at Sehun's feet. 

"Don't make fun of me! Usually there would be people that I can interact with; either the members, the host, or the fans. I only had the staff and even though I did ask them to cheer or something, it's just not the same."

Sehun nodded, he could only imagine how it was in the studio. When Junmyeon called him earlier, the background was uncharacteristically quiet for a fan meeting, definitely a far cry from their usual ones. But Sehun was impressed at how Junmyeon could think of a brilliant way to connect with the fans. 

"You look cute," Sehun said, pulling on Junmyeon's hoodie string. The cursive 'O2asis' was definitely Junmyeon's handwriting. "Were you okay with sitting too long earlier?" 

"Sitting isn't the problem. I did push-ups and my lower back— let's just say it's not very well after last night."

Sehun snickered. Yeah, that was definitely a good birthday gift. "I won't apologize for it, and I didn't hear any protest last night either." 

"Mean," Junmyeon glared at him, but he wounded up his arms around Sehun's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "You should have come instead! It's your birthday today and you have the rest of the day free."

Sehun turned to the screen, he had been watching Kyungsoo's movies all day since he woke up, while waiting for Junmyeon to get home. "But I'm sleepy! And tired. I worked hard for that ass last night." He glanced at Junmyeon's behind before Junmyeon hit him in the arm. "And what if the fans heard my voice if I was there? I don't want to divert their attention, since you're the main star. By the way, before I forgot—" 

He swooped down and pressed Junmyeon to his back before he kissed him fully on the mouth, then turned to kiss his eyes, cheeks and forehead. 

"I saw 'Inkigayo'. Congratulations, darling."

Junmyeon immediately brightened up as if he just remembered it, grinning at him. "I did! I won 'Inkigayo'! Can you believe it?!" 

"I can. You deserved it, you're the best." Sehun grinned back and pressed his nose to Junmyeon's small one, happy and elated. "Are you hungry? What do you want for dinner?"

Junmyeon whined when Sehun got up, pulling him along by the arm. "Can we go to that restaurant that I talked about?" 

"That famous restaurant? We didn't even make a reservation. Come on, we can go there anytime. So today, I'm going to cook." 

Junmyeon gasped, eyes shining, suddenly looking excited at the thought of his Sehunnie cooking. 

"And you have to help me."

He whined loudly again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


> **2020, 22nd May**

Sehun bounced his legs anxiously, kept looking at the clock on the wall, gripping his phone tight. He had been ignoring the beer in front of him and didn't even notice that Chanyeol had sneakily pulled his plate of light snacks and munched it away. He didn't really like having snacks while drinking, but it's scientifically proven that food that is not your own is more delicious.

"Are you waiting for something?" Gaeko, who was sitting opposite him, asked curiously after watching Sehun’s weird behaviour for the past twenty minutes. 

"It's Junmyeon-hyung's birthday today," Chanyeol answered instead, chewing loudly that made MQ roll his eyes. 

"Isn't he still at training camp?" MQ said. 

"Yeah," Chanyeol replied. "We sent birthday wishes in the group chat at midnight, but he did not reply. Since it's his birthday, he got to use his phone today so Sehunnie is waiting for his call now."

It was a little past six in the evening. The four of them were sitting in a small restaurant that served light snacks with soju and beer. They just finished their final discussion for approval of their song list, and decided to wind down by stuffing themselves full. 

"He wouldn't read it until he got his phone if you sent the wishes at midnight then, they don't allow you to sleep past ten." Gaeko interjected, stealing a shrimp from Sehun's plate. 

"Such a healthy lifestyle, can't relate." Chanyeol sighed. 

During the conversation, Sehun didn't look up once. He concentrated on his phone so hard it felt like he's burning hole through the screen. 

The phone vibrated and Sehun quickly picked it up, almost knocking his glass over. 

"Hyung? Junmyeon-hyung?" He suddenly smiled when he heard the familiar voice. "Junmyeon, Happy birthday, love. Did you read my message last night? I miss you. How are you? Did you eat well? How are they treating you there?" He turned around, completely missed the shocked and wide eyes from Gaeko. 

"I'm glad to hear you got a cake. I asked Yongmin-hyung if I can send a birthday cake and he said the camp can't deliver it to you, I'm so upset. This is the first time I haven't got you a cake for your birthday, hyung." He whined and paused as he listened to Junmyeon coaxing him. "I know, we can celebrate after you finish your training, but it's not the same—" Sehun nodded. "Yes, okay, I understand. Oh," Sehun glanced momentarily when Chanyeol made some kind of complicated signal. "Hyung, I'm going to pass you to someone. Hold on—" 

Sehun turned the speaker on and held it out to Chanyeol. The tall man cleaned his oily hands with sanitizer-wipes and excitedly grabbed the phone. 

"Hi, Junmyeon-hyung!" 

A pause before a surprised voice came out. "Chanyeollie?" 

"Yes! It's me! Happy birthday, Junmyeon-hyung. Stay healthy and don't push yourself at the camp, okay? Don't worry about anything, we all have it under control. So just enjoy your training."

Junmyeon chuckled from the end of the line. "Thank you, Chanyeollie. Take care of yourself too. Good luck on your album, both of you."

"We will send you a signed album and poster, okay?" Chanyeol grinned teasingly. "It will have both of mine and Sehunnie's signatures. Consider yourself lucky, hyung."

"I am," Junmyeon replied, pleased. "I really am."

MQ held out his hand when Chanyeol was done. He put the phone close as he spoke into the speaker. "Junmyeon, it's hyung."

"Hyung! You're there too?" 

"Yes, and Gaeko as well," MQ waved him over, and Gaeko leaned to join in the conversation. "We're hanging out after the meeting. You're taking care of yourself well, right?" 

"I am, I'm living a very healthy lifestyle here. I never got such a good and long sleep, but honestly, they need to improve the food more," he huffed through the phone. 

Gaeko chuckled. "I heard it got better after my time though, Junmyeon."

They talked for some more and wished each other well before they passed the phone back to Sehun. 

"Hyung? It's me again. Do you still have time?" Sehun pressed the phone to his ear, turning off the speaker. "Okay, I'm heading out now, let's talk on my way back to the apartment." Sehun glanced at the other three, asking for permission to leave. They waved him off and said good night as Sehun picked up his cap and face mask, giddily walking out with a huge smile on his face. 

The other three waited until Sehun was gone from the restaurant, sipping their beers quietly. A minute passed by when suddenly Gaeko turned to Chanyeol, looking shocked and a bit betrayed. 

"... Love?!" 

Chanyeol shrugged. "Oh, you didn't know?"

Gaeko then turned to MQ, incredulous.

MQ shrugged. "Well, I've known them since they were very young."

"Wait, I'm the last one to know they're dating? When did this happen? And no one bothers to tell me? I thought we're brothers." Gaeko pouted, and sighed. He wasn’t really upset, but he was surprised he was kept in the dark for so long. He suddenly realized something. "So wait, does that mean all the lyrics that Sehun wrote—" 

Chanyeol chuckled, polishing off the leftover snacks from Sehun's plate, and nodded. "Yup."

* * *

> **2021**
> 
> **to forever—**

Another year, another birthday wish, another birthday cake—

Warm hugs, sweet kisses, ceaseless love—

Another year together. 

They were happy. They will always be happy, in their own terms. In their own world. Sure, there would still be some ups and downs along the way, but as long as they're together, everything would be fine. Everything would be perfect. 

You'll see. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


End.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Sorry this piece takes a while to finish. Thank you for reading.


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